Winter Song

Well - shocking - it has been quite some time since I posted.  There are times that I feel I have nothing of import to share with the world, so I just go on living.  I don't spend much time reflecting on all the experiences I take with me.  But I would like to attempt to change that.  As of now - my goal (baby steps, folks) is to post once a month in the year 2011.  Hold me to it.  We'll check in December of 2011 to see just how well I did.

I want 2011 to be the year of new projects.  Taking on new, somewhat terrifying objectives. As I will be required to do so whether I want to or not.  A great mentor and colleague of mine is going on maternity leave and I will be stepping up to fill some fairly large shoes while she is away.  Wish me luck.

I will also be working with my friend Courtney (I'll come back to update this post with a link) on a new blog on grieving.  She lost her father on December 9th, 2009.  So while it won't be as light-hearted as this blog (though I could hardly call some of my posts light-hearted) - it will be a venue to explore life without a loved one and everything that entails.  It'll be a space to vent/grieve/laugh and share stories.  Feel free to check it out once it's up and running.

So - in light of December, and another Christmas with the family (weather permitting as Dean and I are driving to Michigan on x-mas day) coming up - I thought I'd share this video and my thoughts on it.  Feel free to watch, re-watch and play as you see fit. (I'm playing it now). Click through to read my feelings on the song.

This song has kept my heart company for quite some time.  I feel when I listen to it, that I have the ability to open up and pour out some sorrow.  What I like best about this piece of music is the joy and hope that infuses the sadness.  I think of my father when I hear this song, and I yearn for my mother (as I am sure he does with each breath he takes).  I feel that his hope is limited by his grief - and every day feels wrong since she has gone from this world.  November/December is always the hardest time of year for me.  Mainly because it is time to be with family, and my family seems to have this quiet canyon carved out where my mother used to fill the space with her love.  I remember the love she gave, and the joy with which she lived her life and I am overwhelmed.  The space is there, she is still missing, disappeared but the pain is not so terrible when I celebrate that love.  I welcome it; the bittersweet taste of her absence is healing.  I will never stop grieving her departure, but I can honor these feelings each time they well-up inside my soul.   I don't know if my father will ever love again - I am sure he will never love like he loved my mother. But the pursuing the possibility of love, is courageous. One December he might have that courage to guide him. But for now, he loves in different ways - and he saves a part of his heart for her.  Always.  As I do.

I cannot wait to see my family again.  Send out some light for Merri if you can - I will be.

P.S. Some happiness for today: Derek & Rachell (my younger brother & his girlfriend) just found out - it's a boy!  (I still only gift my nephew's nerdy/strange/cuddly things - they'll be getting plenty sports/trucks/sports & sports from everyone else.  So they better expect some crazy baby gifts coming their way).