Time passes, people move.

Disjointed Thoughts on The Killing of a Man

2011-05-02T19:21:00.000-07:00

he was a human being

our nation is celebrating the killing/murder/execution of a man

i understand that he can be viewed as a representative and that people can receive "closure" from this - but I don't really buy into that notion

all day it has made me pretty sick to my stomach

I mean, yes - he was terrible - yes, he was a major terrorist - but killing one terrorist is like lopping a head off of the hydra

only the hydra is a human

today was barbaric - plain and simple

the fact that our nation celebrates violence makes me very worried about the state of the world I live in

So, I might try and flesh some of this out later. But this is basically what the killing of Osama Bin Laden means to me. Scary stuff, America.

Update:

I found this quote via FB feed - and it buttons this post off nicely:

‎"I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that." -- Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

My First Post of 2011...is a little lacking.

2011-02-18T08:29:00.000-08:00

So much for resolutions.

So, being the busy office assistant I am - I have not quite found enough time to sit and think about my life. Which basically means I often find myself with not much to say...about anything. No worries, though. I am still living and smiling and laughing. I think I just saw a tumble-weed blow across my blog...my twitter account seems a bit dusty, but I still find random stuff to post on facebook - so I'm not a completely anonymous.

Some examples of my awesome "random-shit" finding skills include:

and

Just a small sample of how I spend my time.

I'm looking forward to more reflection, and creativity in my life. Time to be a bit more pro-active.

Winter Song

2010-12-13T08:52:00.000-08:00

Well - shocking - it has been quite some time since I posted. There are times that I feel I have nothing of import to share with the world, so I just go on living. I don't spend much time reflecting on all the experiences I take with me. But I would like to attempt to change that. As of now - my goal (baby steps, folks) is to post once a month in the year 2011. Hold me to it. We'll check in December of 2011 to see just how well I did.

I want 2011 to be the year of new projects. Taking on new, somewhat terrifying objectives. As I will be required to do so whether I want to or not. A great mentor and colleague of mine is going on maternity leave and I will be stepping up to fill some fairly large shoes while she is away. Wish me luck.

I will also be working with my friend Courtney (I'll come back to update this post with a link) on a new blog on grieving. She lost her father on December 9th, 2009. So while it won't be as light-hearted as this blog (though I could hardly call some of my posts light-hearted) - it will be a venue to explore life without a loved one and everything that entails. It'll be a space to vent/grieve/laugh and share stories. Feel free to check it out once it's up and running.

So - in light of December, and another Christmas with the family (weather permitting as Dean and I are driving to Michigan on x-mas day) coming up - I thought I'd share this video and my thoughts on it. Feel free to watch, re-watch and play as you see fit. (I'm playing it now). Click through to read my feelings on the song.

This song has kept my heart company for quite some time. I feel when I listen to it, that I have the ability to open up and pour out some sorrow. What I like best about this piece of music is the joy and hope that infuses the sadness. I think of my father when I hear this song, and I yearn for my mother (as I am sure he does with each breath he takes). I feel that his hope is limited by his grief - and every day feels wrong since she has gone from this world. November/December is always the hardest time of year for me. Mainly because it is time to be with family, and my family seems to have this quiet canyon carved out where my mother used to fill the space with her love. I remember the love she gave, and the joy with which she lived her life and I am overwhelmed. The space is there, she is still missing, disappeared but the pain is not so terrible when I celebrate that love. I welcome it; the bittersweet taste of her absence is healing. I will never stop grieving her departure, but I can honor these feelings each time they well-up inside my soul. I don't know if my father will ever love again - I am sure he will never love like he loved my mother. But the pursuing the possibility of love, is courageous. One December he might have that courage to guide him. But for now, he loves in different ways - and he saves a part of his heart for her. Always. As I do.

I cannot wait to see my family again. Send out some light for Merri if you can - I will be.

P.S. Some happiness for today: Derek & Rachell (my younger brother & his girlfriend) just found out - it's a boy! (I still only gift my nephew's nerdy/strange/cuddly things - they'll be getting plenty sports/trucks/sports & sports from everyone else. So they better expect some crazy baby gifts coming their way).

I spend most of my days...

2010-08-26T05:56:00.000-07:00

Life and Orange Juice

2010-06-25T09:36:00.000-07:00

Back to the blogosphere...yet again. As you may or may not notice, I tend to drop the ball on this beast from time to time. I have been quite the busy body these days, which is wonderful. My walk with Mom and the monument I found lit a little fire, and sure enough I am creating again and finding joy in life. So much to update on - I'll try and spread things out.

First thing's first: I am involved in an self-titled performance project called The In Between People. Directed by Andy Yanni - we're asking a whole lot of questions, exploring life, magic, and the power of humanity.

"The In Between People is currently exploring the affect that children's stories and their universal messages have on audiences of all ages. The self-titled project, The In Between People, is a performance that uses The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein as a launching point, and creates an extension of this story through performance.

We are combining personal stories and experiences with this universal message to find a new meaning in the interaction between people and performance. We are creating a theatrical experience that focuses not on any one of these stories, but the universal through-line of what it means to be human and every person's struggle to truly define who they are. "

If you haven't backed this project yet, please do so (I know cash is sparse, but the support is priceless regardless of how much you donate). Head over to our kickstarter by clicking this link. It would mean the world to me to have you back this project. We are also posting on our company blog - I'll update the link with the blog once we go public. So I figured - for now, I can use my own space to hammer out some thoughts that I'll will be sharing with the company/ensemble members at the other blog. With that said - here I go...

On Life and Orange Juice...

Two major questions we have been asked throughout this process are: Why are you performers of life? What is the spectacle of the human life?

I think that in order to fully answer these questions - and bring you along for the ride - I need to qualify some language (I understand that language is inadequate at describing the indescribable - but I'll go ahead and try anyhow). My answer seems simple and is the same for both: Life is magic. But to further expand on this, allow me to explain myself.

I firmly believe that as artists we have the inherent ability to perceive, tap into, and reflect Concentrated Life (which I'll note by capitalization, Life). This is what we're doing with The In Between People. What do I mean by Life? Think Orange Juice. Have you ever made Orange Juice from frozen concentrate? You have to peel back the plastic around the lid, squeeze and shake (and sometimes microwave) the concentrate so it'll schlop out into your pitcher. Then you add cup after cup of water, and mix it all around until the concentrate has dissolved and you've got Orange Juice. ("And it's much easier with a Quick Stir Pitcher from Pampered Chef!" As Mom would say).

All too often Life becomes diluted. Cup after cup of stress, money, work, gain, loss, etc can dissolve Life into life. In life we just go through the motions and are rarely, if ever, taken out of it. All we can taste is the Orange Juice of life. And most of the time it tastes just fine - there are times that it leaves the worst taste behind. When I was younger, I always imagined taking a huge bite out of the frozen Orange Juice concentrate. That little, frozen cylinder had so much potential behind it. What an intense sensation, a flavor explosion it would be! Cool and incredibly sweet and tangy, almost to the point of being overpowering - magical even. I never did take a bite of it - because that isn't the "right way to make it."

What we're doing with The In Between People is the reverse of making Orange Juice, the opposite of life from concentrate. We're trying to un-dilute the human life, we are trying to serve up Life and all of it's potential. We are inviting our audience to tap into Life, to take a bite and get a soul-full of magic. To see the potential that Life has, and the unspeakable beauty that comes with that. The spectacle of the human Life is the magic of potential. The concentrated Life is what you find when you remove everything that dilutes this potential. The raw, full-flavored Life is magic. And as performers (as artists from all mediums) we are here to remind ourselves, and all who come to our art, of this magic. I am a performer of Life because Life is magic. And Life is magic in the spectacle of potential. (And in turn, this makes artists powerful).

I'll wrap this all up with a short anecdote:
Everyday I have the same route I take to walk to work from the Subway. After my 35 (45 if I'm not so lucky) minute commute, I get off at my stop, head down 8th street and toward Washington Square Park. The other day, while walking down the east side of the park, the sun struck the water bottle I was drinking from and a droplet on the edge of the bottom was illuminated. I stopped. The droplet radiated light - almost as if by catching the sunlight and refracting it, the droplet now had the energy to create it's own light. I was transfixed. Would the droplet hang onto the side? Would it fall? Where would the light go? The potential of this gleaming droplet was magical. The beauty, the spectacle of it took me out of my routine. It made me stop and fathom nature for a bit. After the droplet finally let go and fell to the ground, the light went out but wasn't gone. And I walked the rest of my route with a smile, full of wonder.

That's all for now.

With plenty of love and big giant hugs,
-Ky

A Monument to You Through Infinity...

2010-04-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

Long time no post. I'm used to it. The Gemini in me keeps my attention from lingering on any one project for too long. I wouldn't have it any other way, because when I come back - I come back somethin' fierce. Here it comes y'all. Buckle up, batten down - use the restroom, grab some snacks, 'cause this is a long post.

I'm ready to come back. To me that is.

I have been stuck lately, and today, the glacier began to crack and I could feel the magma of inspiration begin to boil. Eyjafjallajökull's got nothin' on me. Well, that's not entirely true. It probably has a lot more ash than I do...though, I have been a lazy moisturizer... I won't interfere with too many European flight schedules. Promise.

So much to catch up on. I promise I'll get to the point of this post...post haste.

I'm living in Sunnyside, Queens (literally a block and a half from the arch) with a wonderful friend, and colleague - Sheila. She's fantastic and we're just the right amount of laid back and responsible to gel really well and pay all our bills in a timely fashion. I now have a home - and what a home it is. Ask me about it - I love to gush...another thing Eyjafjallajökull and I seem to have in common. Though in the past few months - since January 15th - I have yet to fully explore any part of the neighborhood North of the Subway/Sunnyside Arch. Today, I did just that.

I've been such a bump on a log - with many thanks owed to Netflix and my Lovesac (watching Spartacus: Blood and Sand has never been more cozy...or more gratuitous - it got better, don't judge). That said, I have also been feeling incredibly...Meh. Apathetic. Uninspired. Stagnant. Static. More synonyms for "Meh." I've been trying to gather up the courage to move. To open my eyes. To run - figuratively and literally, creatively and emotionally. I mustered up the courage to take a walk today. Even the smallest of steps taken outside your front door should be counted as courageous. Sometimes it takes courage to do the most mundane things. Everyone is brave, everyday. I was brave and I am amazed at the wonder I encountered.

My neighborhood is home to some incredibly beautiful buildings, trees, and a really happening park. I kept myself from running all this time (literally now, kids) because I kept myself from exploration. We even have a library close by! If East Grand Rapids was 10 times cooler, 15 times more hemmed in, and 12 times more expensive - it would be this neighborhood. I continued on. There were times I wanted to turn back, but the beauty of it and the curiosity burning within kept me going. I walked past the park and was greeted with smaller older homes, and flowering trees.

The sun was dipping lower in the sky, and the path seemed to flame with shades of pink, orange and green. I continued on my walk, even when some of the old homes seemed a bit dodgy - I felt the need to keep on walking. I'd turn around eventually. A block or two later and I found myself approaching an underpass. Graffiti and all. The Long Island Railroad ran over the tracks above carting passengers home from a long day of work. Two older men were walking a dog up ahead on the opposite side of the street. I glanced at the grafitti as I walked by.

I continued to think about what lay before me. What was up ahead? In the distance the houses cropped up less and less, industry seemed to take over, and for some odd reason...I stopped. I thought, It's probably not too safe up ahead. The sun is setting, and I think I want to explore some of the areas I passed by earlier - if only to get some good surveying in for my jogging route. I crossed the street and began to make my way back underneath the train tracks. Don't forget to snap a picture of the graffiti, I reminded myself. Street art has always been one of life's greatest pleasures for me. I got out my phone and as I centered the full image from across the street, I gasped and my eyes began to well up.

I couldn't believe I didn't notice it before. She was there. The entire time. Walking with me, guiding me to this very spot. Of all the turns I took (and believe me, I took a great many) I ended here. Tomorrow, April 21st, marks exactly one year from my Mother's diagnosis. My heart swelled up into my throat. I had to get closer and take the time to read the words left underneath the train tracks. I crossed the street. A dog barked in the distance and two men looked up at a strange young man holding his phone up to the wall of the underpass...

I stopped, still, and I wept as I read the words:

A golden heart stopped beating

Hard working hands at rest

God broke our hearts to prove to us

He only takes the Best

"For if I could Love You More"

watch over us

dedicated

Love always,

Richie & Doma

That should there ever be an ending to time

To the rain ~ the sun ~ the moon ~ the wind & sea

I would become love & live boundless & free
Where time stands still

A Monument to you

Through Infinity...

we love ya, see ya, goodnight.

The frigid numbness that has forced me into stagnation and fear gave way to an eruption of emotion. Joy, pain, sorrow, longing, gratitude - these feelings and many more rose and fell with each tear shed beneath the underpass. I am happy again.

My Mother and I went on a walk today. And she led me back to my courage. It was there all along, just slumbering deep in the chamber of my heart. I found my foot path, and I'm ready to run.

...It's a great mid-point for my jogging route, too.

With love, and hugs, and courage to all those feeling uncertain or stuck in life,

~Ky~

"I love ya, see ya, goodnight."

Words of Comfort from an Old Schoolmate

2009-12-01T06:33:00.000-08:00

I am always impressed by the desire to connect, to reach out and touch someone with words. I guess that explains my fascination with online media - youtube, twitter, facebook. Many times, it is just an individual caught up in this idea that the world revolves around him or her - that friends and strangers are better for knowing what they are doing. Or yearning to know every move they make. I try not to get caught up in that illusion. But every now and then, it's fun to play in.

Sometimes these internet aficionados stumble (knowingly so at times) upon the power and possibility, the art (two letters shy of heart - lets add them in), of words. I am so grateful for these beautiful moments, when a single line can reveal so much depth of thought, feeling, or vision. Sometimes these few words unintentionally smack you in the face and grip your heart. Sometimes words make you chuckle out loud garnering quizzical looks from coworkers. And sometimes a message from an old acquaintance can release beautiful, healing tears.

One thing about facebook that always seems to boggle my mind is how it affects my perception of time. Yes, I can spend hours playing farmville (I want that damn Japanese tea house already, gah) or refreshing my friends' status updates - but that isn't what I mean when I talk about perceiving time. It's amazing to see how old friends have changed, to see how their lives are exciting or tragic or full of love (all very good qualifiers of a life well lived). If I ever need to be humbled, I just click through the old pictures of myself. I watch myself grow.

The other day, I mused to myself on my walk back from the subway. Time is like water spilled on a lacquered surface. It puddles up at first, and slowly begins to reach outward refracting light as it does. This light bounces off of each and every one of us - we've all been touched someone else's time. Sometimes it moves quicker than expected, it hits an unbalanced patch of woodwork and speeds away. Other times it hits a knot, or a rut and seems to pool in one area forever. Time is constantly replenishing itself, and the surface of life is infinite. Soon enough I am 23, post college, trying to say goodbye for now to a woman I have loved (and will love) all my life. And still I am amazed at how I am 5, and 10, and 15 in an instant. Memory is the ability to view what is infinite - to view time again and again. The pool of water turns in on itself, rounds a curved corner of the surface and comes right back. Memory bends time...

In second grade, Eve made me cry. Looking back on it - I can't remember how or why, but I remember my frustration and I remember the image of me in the lunch room crying in front of my classmates - and more importantly, Eve. In my mind, we had an unspoken rivalry. She was an incredibly beautiful child, too beautiful to be my friend. Reflecting on her time, (the refractions of light that bounced off of my time) I am able to see now how deep her beauty runs and I am honored to call her an old friend. And how in my perception of her time, all those uneven surfaces had created someone not only wise but full, strong, and beautiful. Eve has seen loss, has felt it many ways. She was able to triumph over a debilitating accident, something a sixth grader should never have to endure. She never once faltered or indulged in self pity - at least, the refractions I saw never once showed anything but strength and bravery. She held herself high, and lived (what else) beautifully. Again, after high school graduation she was faced with great loss - only this time, the loss was not something to triumph over. Her older sister passed away unexpectedly. The family was rocked - and while I didn't keep direct contact with Eve, the internet provided a means for me to check up on her. A way for me to keep viewing her time. Eve became even stronger, and even more beautiful. She became this way for her family, for her nephew, for her sister, and even for herself. Apparently she has been able to keep tabs on my time as well. I am now 23, out of school, and Eve made me cry.

Eve managed to share with me just a small amount of her time and her strength and her beauty - not surprisingly enough, over facebook. She sent me words, her art, which revealed her heart to me. And all of my words here, my art, share my heart right back. I will post the message below - and if Eve requests, I will take it down:

Kyle,
I’ve been trying to write you but I’ve struggled to articulate my thoughts into the perfect message. I, of all people should have realized there are no right words to say. So I'll give my truth. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, your family has been on my mind. My heart aches for you Kyle.
I'll tell you that grief comes in waves. Some days denial is your best friend and you’re grateful for its numbing effects. Some days out of nowhere reality crashes down and it really fucking sucks. Sorry for the profanity but there are times when the F bomb just needs to be dropped lol.
I offer you this, it does get easier over time and eventually life regains a new sense of normalcy. You never get over the death of someone you love but you heal in a way that makes it possible to go on. Life moves forward and you survive by cherishing your memories and learning to live with your loss.

There are a few things I would like to share with you ♥ .

"I am fooling only myself when I say that my mother exists now only in the photograph on my bulletin board or in the outline of my hand or in the armful of memories I still hold tight. She lives on beneath everything I do. Her presence influenced who I was, and her absence influences who I am. Our lives are shaped as much by those who leave us as they are by those who stay. Loss is our legacy. Insight is our gift. Memory is our guide."
(After my sister passed away someone sent this quote to me & I love it. Even though it was originally about a mother, I still relate to every word.)

“Loss has been part of my journey, but it has also shown me what is precious.”

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.”
-- Washington Irving

“I miss you when something really good happens, because you are the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you are the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you most when I lay awake at night and think of all the wonderful times we spent with each other; for those were some of the best times of my life.”

“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.” -- Edna St. Vincent Millay

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to new understanding
with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never, ever the same.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
and never stops at all.
--Emily Dickenson

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”
-- Winnie the Pooh

But what about when you're far away?
Does your love go too, or does it stay?
Look up at the stars.
They're far, far away.
But their light reaches us
at the end of each day.
It's like that with love
we may be close, we may be far,
but our love still surrounds us...
wherever we are.
(This is actually from a childrens book given to my sisters son after she passed away. It's very sweet.)

And lastly, my personal favorite of all times ♥ . ♥ . ♥ .

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
--e.e. cummings

My deepest condolences
Thinking of you ♥
Love,
Eve

I Don't Want A Lot For Christmas

2009-11-24T08:07:00.000-08:00

While work is quiet this morning - I was able to think about what I want for Christmas. My list is below. Most of it is just silly stuff, nothing I really need. I've already got all that I need.

Games:

- Muramasa: The Demon Blade (Wii)

- A Boy and his Blob (Wii)

- The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (DS)

*Or Best Buy /Nintendo World /Gamestop Gift Cards, WiiPoints Card

DVD/TV:

- Coraline

- Were the World Mine

- Pushing Daisies Season Two

*Or Best Buy Gift Cards

Clothes:

- Ties

- Wrinkle Free Dress Pants

- Cozy Slippers

*Or gift cards to H&M/Gap etc.

Music:

- Regina Spektor Far

- Alphabeat (any album)

- Lady Gaga The Fame Monster - Deluxe (2 disc, 22 tracks includes both the Fame and The Fame Monster)

Books:

- Anything Post Secret

- Philip Pullman His Dark Materials - Series

*Or Gift Cards to Barnes and Noble

Electronics:

- Music Link - The White One. I think this would be really cool/helpful with my hearing aids.

- And THIS

Real Estate:

- A brownstone in the West Village

Exotic Animals/Pets:

- A Panther

- Koala Bear (would settle for a Wallaby)

Miscellaneous:

- A New Huggler (note: this has been discontinued...it's amazing, I'm looking for something similar NOT a snuggie - though if it was the most awesome snuggie ever, I wouldn't mind)

- A Winning Multi-Million Dollar Lotto Ticket

- Hearing Aids that Actually Shoot Laser Beams/Provide Photo/Video Capture for Reconnaissance at my Secret Spy job for the CIA - and have bluetooth capabilities

- The Ability to Orb

- World Peace

- Hugs

- Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time

- An iPhone (mainly so I can do this)

What's on your list?

The Sky Looks Pissed

2009-10-03T17:39:00.001-07:00

The world isn't ending. I have to remember that. It's so hard to accept such a concept.

Keep breathing, Ky.

Love.

2009-07-07T13:27:00.000-07:00

Baby's scare me. Only a little. I'm afraid I'll break them. But, wouldn't you know, I look at this picture and I'm not scared one bit.

Home Again

2009-05-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

My Mom is amazing. So are my friends.

Have you told yours that you love her today?

Happy Mother's Day.

If you want info on how my amazing Mom is doing. Click here.

It was so good to see my family. There have been so many prayers and messages of love to us - thank you all.

I'm missing people like crazy. But that's what happens when you move far away. Luckily, I know I have such supportive, strong, caring friends - so I'm not worried about losing touch.

Have you ever packed up an entire apartment in a few hours? If not - I would recommend bringing seven incredible people, a couple bags of chinese, and a few bottles of champagne. This makes the process go a little smoother. Just a little.

All my love to all my loves. Be well. Congrats, Steinhardt Class of 2009!

The Course of True Love Never Did Run Smooth

2009-04-27T07:25:00.000-07:00

"I have cancer."

It's amazing how three words can carry so much weight. Seven days ago, I didn't even know how to pronounce adenocarcenoma - let alone what it does to the body, how the stages progress, or how it's treated. My mother is sick. And I am coming home.

I'm petrified. Mainly because I had a job and an apartment lined up for the summer. But gears are for throwing wrenches into - and life would be incredibly boring if plans didn't change. There's a lot of good in me coming home for the summer (the job will come, so I shouldn't worry too much). I'm going to try to use this blog more often - mainly to offer a space for venting, and laughter. I would much rather this be a happy blog, than an angsty livejournal...or a REALLY angsty xanga. Oh to be fourteen again...

That said - here are some perks about coming home. How about a list?! Don't mind if I do:

Lake Michigan. Nuff said.

Time with Mom.

Shelby.

My New York University degree will increase in value and marketability.

Getting to know Dad better.

Discussions! (Speaking of being 14...)

Going A'Gaying.

Meeting my new nephew, May 28th(ish).

Reconnecting with my invaluable pillars of strength and laughter: Stu, Amanda, Em, and Erin.

Playing video games with my brothers. (And anyone else who wants to join in).

Starting a new chapter in my life.

Chicago Pride - 2009.

Turning 23 (ew).

Finding time to create.

Starting a new job (when I get it).

Finding a new place (when I get a job).

Getting a car (again...job first).

Hugs, smiles, and laughter.

Loving unconditionally.

Bonfires, trees, and stars.

So far, it's adding up to a pretty wonderful list. Just under three weeks and counting. I'm going to try and get the most out of my time in NYC. I'm going to love my friends so hard these next two and a half weeks, and we're going to be in and of the city. I love New York so incredibly much, I'm going to miss the pace, the personality, and the exploration that this place offers. My Gemini soul might go a little stir crazy in Michigan - so I'm going to have to vary my days. The City has given me some amazing experiences - and I have grown up so much. Now it is time to return to Neverland an adult. Who knows? Maybe I'll find some of that youth I've been missing.

Here's another list - the gaymer in me can't help but be a touch materialistic, and a ton nerdy. These are the must buys to look forward to:

1. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers (So. Effing. Exicted).
2. Muramasa: The Demon Blade (I'm such a geek for Japanese culture/lore etc)
3. The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks (DS Love).
4. Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days (Really only because it's Kingdom Hearts...though I'm skeptical).
5. Icarian: Kindred Spirits (I'm also a geek for Greek lore, and winged beings...yay Wiiware getting some good original content!)

Look at all these things to look forward to! Life will be a challenge this upcoming...who knows how long...but life will be happy, I will celebrate every day. And that is incredibly important.

"Time passes, people move. Like a river's flow, it never ends. A childish mind will turn into noble ambition, young love will become deep affection. The clear water's surface reflects growth..."

Back to the Blogosphere

2009-03-29T12:25:00.000-07:00

My my, it has been a while.

I figured I might update this blog a few times this year. Why not? I'm horrible at keeping in correspondence with any kind of journal...so I'm going to keep trying with this one.

So, this year presents an entirely new series of challenges for me to overcome. Graduation. Finding an apartment. Reclaiming my inner child. Reclaiming my soul and my firstborn - as promised to CitiBank. Achieving financial "stability." Finding a job (will probably have to come before financial stability...damn...). Nurturing my creative life. Living. Too many hurdles.

Maybe this blog will become more of a "to-do list" than anything actually insightful. Or maybe I'll just post really deep, metaphorical works of art I find online...

That said - I'm off to write a rubric for the Theater Arts 1 class I handle at my student teaching placement. More about that later. And after, I'm heading to a Club Nintendo Platinum Member's event - a DSi Preview up at 86th and Lexington. NERDFEST!

Photo found here: http://pictureisunrelated.com/ - Amazing site.

Princess Points

2008-07-07T19:29:00.000-07:00

BRIEF Summary of Michelle Durden's Article:

In the article "Not Just a Leg Show: Gayness and Male Homoeroticism in Burlesque, 1868 to 1877" Durden discusses the importance and the impact of the late 19th century Burlesque show on establishing/connecting the developing "gay subculture." Durden feels that the historical view of Burlesque as a "Leg Show" has blinded researchers from addressing the homosexual undertones present in Burlesque during this time period. The examples of, homoerotic lyric, homosexual myths, and the "stock" characters of burlesque are given to support her argument. The "Gay Young Swell" and the "Fashionable Belle" are discussed in great detail (but I'll just summarize).

The Swell:

Usually marked by his elitist sense of fashion (gloves, top-hat, monacle, silken suite) the Swell was the pretty-boy of the show (usually played by an actress). The swell had a marked lisp/way of speech, and a distinct gait. "The Cheeky Little Cove" was an example of a variation on the swell given by Durden. He would be brash and bold, very frivolous with his spending. "The Pet of the Girls" was portrayed as very effeminate - a non-smoker, a lover not a fighter. *Note: The Swell is usually a little less hairy, and a little more human than canine.

The Fashionable Belle:

Aka - "the Queen of Society" aka "the girl of the period." Usually a male in drag, donning a wig, make-up and "stylish dress." He will usually stereotypically strike a feminine pose, and sometimes even mimic famous women in power such as "Susan B. Anthony, Lucy Stone, and Amelia Bloomer."

Durden goes on to explore the language used, and the double meanings behind the lyrics and dialogue in a number of shows. "'The Pet of the Girls,' wears a 'gay mustache all twisted to a hair,' spends his time promenading 'gay Broadway,' and refers to the gay life, singing 'to be a swell is weally gay, I pwactice it both day and night!' (Cooper 5). The swells not only look and act gay, they are gay."

Conversational points:
I first had a problem with the terminology used, as I know that the term "gay" as an identity didn't really come to be accepted widely until 1960-1970s. Though Durden justifies the use of this terminology stating that gay was seen as something enjoyable to partake in - a gay activity, not so much a gay identity.

The evolution of terminology in the "gay subculture" is very interesting. Scientific and cultural labels were placed on the "variants." Gay wasn't accepted culturally for quite some time, and the term homosexual wasn't even "coined" until 1869. Using a term out of cultural context is something I have a hard time with. Like calling the Greeks homosexual, the term didn't exist - the activity they engaged in was homosexual, yet to call them homosexual would be misrepresenting the culture of the time.

The term sexual invert is also an interesting idea - the cultural/scientific view of gay men being the opposite sex on the inside helped coin the term. Though even in the 1870s there were men seen as "normal" who engaged in sex with men - such as in the case of Dan (used in Durden's article):
"He always came home to tea...
Wherever he might be...
This man call'd Dan
This regular man
He always came home to tea."
Coming to tea, references the "tearoom trade" - which implies anonymous sex between two men. This implied meaning by a "nonsensical" song shows that some people in the audience were very savvy with this type of humor.

The presence of the "Fashionable Belle" is a huge indicator of homosexuality - the play on gender is seen by Durden as a direct reference to the "fairy" archetype established in the social culture of the 1870s.

Interesting influence: The Drag - by Mae West (1920). In her series of plays in the "Sex" performance. Takes on the idea of the fairy, or the invert and the degradation of society. The Swell makes an appearance in the character of Rolly Kingsbury. The "Fashionable Belle" is The Duchess/half the cast in the Third Act. West uses excess amounts of camp in portraying her "inverts." The men are often using female pronouns when addressing each other - and the term "mol." (Which I believe is a shortened form of Molly).

The idea of camp seems to permeate throughout the gay culture today - Drag Queens are still outrageous and comic, and the theatre is still a gay haven.

Notable "Drag Queens"
William Horace Lingard (1870) - Quick Change/Comedic Artist

Gladys "Fasto" Bently (1920) - Drag King Crooner - product of the Harlem Renaissance

Ray Bourbon (1930s - 1970s) - A master of low camp.

Charles Pierce (1950s-1980s) - A Master of high camp.

Dame Edna Everage (1950s - Present) - Comedian from Down Under - huge hit in the UK.

Divine (1970s - 1980s) - Huge cult following. John Waters films were behind that.

Vaginal Davis(1970s - Present) - Drag Queen Performance Artist

Lady Bunny (1980s - Present) - Huge hair, outrageous outfits...what more do you need?

Ru Paul (1980s - Present) - Singer, Actress, Fabulous.

Full Eclectic Analysis: Skeleton Song, by Kate Nash

2008-06-26T09:55:00.000-07:00

Because I can:

The link is crazy far down the page...I have no idea why. Click away!

Historical Background:
For this analysis I will be using a piece by Kate Nash. The work in question is the tenth track on her debut album: “Made of Bricks” released in September 2007. The name of the piece is “Skeleton Song.” In this analysis, I will be using the eclectic method laid out by Lawrence Ferrara to explore the piece in a number of ways. To start off, let’s talk about how Kate Nash came to be an artist.
Nash was raised in Harrow, the Zone Five burg of London. She was taught piano at a young age and her mother took her to Irish “gigs” and introduced her to classical music. At age fourteen she started getting into the music scene, heading to concerts at her local dive. As the years progressed, her tastes did too – bands such as The Strokes along with other forms of punk music influenced her greatly. “There’s a simplicity to punk music.” Nash says in an interview. This simplicity is seen in her lyrics and her music. A huge influence in her music is the artist Regina Spektor (listen to the song "Us") – she’s one of Nash’s favorite musicians and an inspiration to her piano and vocal styling.
Kate is part of the MySpace millions. When she was rejected from the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School in 2006, she began composing pieces in Garage Band (a Mac application) and posting her music to her MySpace page. Her popularity grew and grew, and it received the boost it needed when famed Brit singer, Lilly Allen added Nash to the “top eight friends” on her page. She was given a record deal by fiction records – and produced “Made of Bricks.” It was a whirlwind year.

Open Listenings:
The song itself opens with a drum-beat, and Kate’s voice seems to follow the bouncy nature of the piece. There is a direct address of the skeleton in this piece; it is as if she’s talking directly to him. The song has a very playful nature “skeleton you are my friend…” until the bridge. I’m reminded of School House Rock, or Avenue Q – a child-like song with a deeper/more satirical meaning behind it.

Syntax:
The song follows a traditional verse, refrain, verse, refrain, bridge, verse, refrain pattern (ABABCAB). The first verse is a combination of two verses almost (a bit longer due to the pause than other verses). The song is supported with a simple (what sounds to be a synthesized) drum beat, piano, violin, and a guitar.
The song opens with a series of descending, strung out soft pitches, and at five seconds a drum beat comes in. The piano enters at 13 seconds and plays along with the drum beat. The vocals begin at 21 seconds along with a rapid back and forth strumming of the violin underneath (the strings are highlighted during the vocal rests). At 39 seconds (the second part of the first verse), I believe a guitar comes into the mix (a bass...but I’m not positive…oh hearing loss, fun times). During the refrain (there’s definitely guitar here), the instruments layer in a crescendo and each has their own theme to play. The violin stop strumming back and forth and there are long held notes that combine with the piano, voice, drum beat, and guitar and create the “refrain theme.”
The verse and refrain are broken by the bridge at 2:13. A suspension of the drum beat takes place, and the vocals along with soft, trilling piano and a heavy bass line create the sound. The drum beat enters as the bridge crescendos into its climax of vocalizing at 3:04. After which, the recapitulation of the verse and refrain come in – at first at a slower tempo, but then increasing to where it was in the beginning. Again the song slows at the end with the echoing of the last lyric “that is all I know.”

Phenomenological Description of the Sound in Time:
The piece opens with a haunting moan which is soon replaced by a bouncing drum kick (A Garage Band sample maybe? Possible drum-track on her keyboard?) . The song turns into a Nursery School/Sesame Street rhyme almost with the jumpy lyrics and vocals that match the drum kick. Nash’s vocals are a mixture of Regina Spektor’s quirkiness and Bjork’s peculiar vocalizing (particularly during the dark, haunting bridge). Nash almost screeches at the end of the bridge, as she’s contemplating the murder of her friend. The scream of a banshee almost – I’m picturing yellow eyes and wind torn hair here as the shower curtain is being drawn back, the hammer is raised, and the poor skeleton is being smashed to bits by Nash’s pounding music and wailing vocals (very Bates Motel).
Nash pulls a just “kidding moment” in her apologetic return to her nursery rhyme crooning. It’s as if she was singing to Oscar the Grouch and got a little too carried away. The sesame street brightness is replaced by strobe-lights and smoke – and after the interlude Kate looks around, remembers where she is and who she’s singing to. There is nervousness and an apology in her “but…skeleton, you are my friend…and I could never bring your life to an end.” She ends, resolute – understanding that she will never be rid of this skeleton. A melancholy happiness creeps into her voice and the music drips with a resolve to keep life as is. The sound of strings sweeps us away to a peaceful ending, but a somewhat unfulfilled desire.

Textual Representation:
The lyrics represent a conversation, a questioning of Kate’s special friend. This skeleton has made her feel like an outsider, has caused unwanted attention as seen in the refrain:

“And now it's different
When I take you out and you
You've got me standing in an awkward position
With unwanted attention
And a need for explanation
And it's not that I'm letting go of you
But I dunno what to do”

The whole piece is an inner monologue/two person dialogue – explaining and reasoning with the dysfunctional friendship that she and her skeleton have. It even goes to a violent space during the bridge:

“And sometimes, at night
I dream of the most terrible things
I take a hammer and I creep out of bed
And I raise it high, and I smash your head
Fibular and tibular and ribs and cages, too
In fact, while I'm here, I'll smash the whole of you”

Kate is too good a friend to do such a thing, and the skeleton has been there for her as long as she can remember. She has described the relationship previously and the draw backs…but now she realizes that she’s all talk:

“But...Skeleton, you are my friend
And I could never bring your life to an end
Yes, Skeleton, you are my friend
And I will be there for you until the end

And even though when I take you out you've got me
You've got me standing in an awkward position
With unwanted attention
And a need for explanation
I could never let you go
And that is all I know”

Virtual Feeling:
The piece itself gives the listener a sense of nostalgia, but a fear of the present and the future. The skeleton can be thought of as a loss of childhood, or a sense of failed relationships (someone you just can’t quit). I personally feel joyful listening to the piece as it gives me the sense of a true friendship – I had a few skeletons in my life that would embarrass me, or put me in an awkward position. Some are smashed to bits and no longer a part of my life, some are still very much here.
The song evokes a smile. The bouncy, jaunty beat with the quirky lyrics can create a chuckle in the listener. A simple song, a common human relationship – these are ideas we relate to, and because we can relate to the ideas presented we feel certain emotions. The music is upbeat, and the lyrics are kind of sad – but we’ve all known this position before – so we can’t help but laugh at it. A ridiculous relationship, but one we can’t seem to get rid of because the other makes us smile.

Onto-Historical World:
Kate Nash wrote this piece in a response to her family and the skeleton in their closet. No deep dark secrets, there actually is a skeleton in the house – his name is Stanly. Her sister was a photo-major and would take the skeleton out for photo shoots and dress him up in suites and other fun costumes. Kate always thought this was funny, so she created a story. This girl used to be best friends with a skeleton, and that was fine when she was seven, but now she’s twenty two – and it’s strange now. In an interview – she relates the relationship to the film “Lost in Translation,” stating:

“I watched 'Lost In Translation' recently and it was really beautiful, it was definitely a relationship that just didn't fit in anywhere, and I like that kind of thing. It really could only be in Japan, like where they were, they could never go home and hook up. I'm not saying skeletons are intense or anything, but it's a bit of fun.”

The relationship only worked when the girl was young, but now – the pressure of her life can’t seem to handle the awkwardness that comes from being BFF with a skeleton. She understands that she and the skeleton will be in each other’s lives forever, because although he frustrates her sometimes, she loves him just the same.

Open Listenings:
The entire piece is a testament to relationships and friendships. They start off innocent and fun, bouncy like the song, but eventually there comes a point in which the darkness and frustration creeps in. If the relationship is strong enough, it survives the drive to kill each other.
The “bones” of the keyboard seem to mimic that of the skeleton – like playing on a ribcage, as Nash is bouncing these words off the Skeleton’s noggin. The song has an extreme innocence to it, but an adult quality – the knowledge of relationships and friendships and how society reacts to them.
I adore the unique vocal quality Kate Nash brings to this piece (thanks to all the conscious and sub-conscious influences that inspired her work).

Performance Guide:
I feel Nash has taken the right approach when presenting/performing this piece. She has fun with it, because it is a fun song. The light-hearted piece only has about a minute of darkness in it, and it’s back to sunshine and rainbows. A note for future performances of this piece – Maybe Nash could convince her Mother to let her borrow Stanley for a few shows? Bring the inspiration of the song out on stage! That would make the song even more fun to watch live (and more theatrical, if she sings to Stanley).

Meta-Critique:
I really enjoyed doing an eclectic analysis; I feel it is a great way to explore each of the meanings behind the piece. Thought at times, I feel that method is more objective than subjective. I understand we’re trying to maintain a balance by including each of these steps in the process – but just how balanced are they? The Historical Context is focused on the artist and the process and influences that created the work, the Syntax is focused on the specifics of the piece – both are centered on the music. Open Listenings – while we try to suspend our natural biases – we can’t help but include our own interpretation. The open phenomenological steps, and the hermeneutical steps seem to leave so much room for the analyst to insert personal bias, and make the work about how he or she feels about it – rather than what it is in general. I feel art is meant for everyone – and trying to analyze it leads to fascinating discussion and a greater personal understanding and appreciation. In that respect – the eclectic method is outstanding. We all take what we want from art – and from an analysis of art, as well. Each affects us in different ways – and that’s the beauty of it all. It’s been a great trip, and I’ll take away what I feel is important.

**All works referenced are linked in the Historical Background section.

YouTube Generation (A response to Kelly and her shoes)

2008-06-24T13:53:00.000-07:00

I think this is amazing. Just goes to show how today's YouTube Artists can influence popular culture. Hit the link for a great Weezer video and the bizarre YouTube videos that inspired it.

Yay for the Internet!

About Kate: What is up with that Skeleton?

2008-06-18T06:47:00.000-07:00

The Song:

The Lyrics:

Skeleton, you are my friend
But you are made of bone
And you have got no flesh and blood running through you
To help you protect the bone

Yes, Skeleton, we have been friends for years
And you have seen me through some trials and tribulations and some tears
But everybody thinks I'm weird

And I should have known
That it wouldn't be long until you
You've got me standing in an awkward position
With unwanted attention
And a need for explanation
And it's not that I'm letting go of you
But I dunno what to do

Skeleton, we are so close
But you have got no body
So why do you insist on wearing clothes?
Skeleton, when we were young it was easier
Even though the other kids, they would tease me
I was only seven I had you, but now I'm 22

And now it's different
When I take you out and you
You've got me standing in an awkward postition
With unwanted attention
And a need for explanation
And it's not that I'm letting go of you
But I dunno what to do

And sometimes, at night
I dream of the most terrible things
I take a hammer and I creep out of bed
And I raise it high, and I smash your head
Fibular and tibular and ribs and cages, too
In fact, while I'm here, I'll smash the whole of you

(Vocalizing)

But...Skeleton, you are my friend
And I could never bring your life to an end
Yes, Skeleton, you are my friend
And I will be theere for you until the end

And even though when I take you out you've got me
You've got me standing in an awkward position
With unwanted attention
And a need for explanation
I could never let you go
And that is all I know

So - after pouring over a few interviews, reviews, and articles - here's what I have so far:

Some History:

- Kate Nash, raised in 5 zone burg of London - Harrow.
- Applied for Admission to the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School in 2006 - was denied. On the day she found out she was not admitted, she fell down the stairs and broke her leg (rotten luck).
- Parents bought electric guitar and amp for her - cosolation.
- Kate began recording her music with Garage Band and posted her music on a myspace page. (Super cute/well composed video interview on her site).
- Lilly Allen had Kate on her "top eight" and soon enough, Kate gained a little boost, was signed to Fiction Records and started producing music.

Quote from THIS article:
"I think it's telling a story, that's my strength as a songwriter. That's because I did an acting course, and I've read a lot of plays, and I love films, and I love theatre, and I wrote a lot of short films and stuff before I wrote songs. So I think I'm good at writing stories. I write a lot of really simple stuff, and I think that means loads, it's relatable to a lot of people because I write a lot of human, really simple stuff.

And I'm good at mixing something really simple, really real with more imaginative stuff, like writing a song about a girl who's friends with a skeleton, and they've got a weird relationship. My Mum bought this skeleton, and it's in our house, he's called Stanley, and my sister was doing a photography project on him. It's really funny actually 'cos sometime I come home and he's changed clothes and it's really weird. Yeah, it's about a girl who's friends with a skeleton and she's really weird 'cos she's not sure she can still be friends with a skeleton anymore 'cos she's twenty-two and when it was seven it was fine but she's not sure now and it's just a bit weird. And that's just something a bit fun, and a bit weird, but mixed with one of those relationships that doesn't really work. I watched 'Lost In Translation' recently and it was really beautiful, it was definitely a relationship that just didn't fit in anywhere, and I like that kind of thing. It really could only be in Japan, like where they were, they could never go home and hook up. I'm not saying skeletons are intense or anything, but it's a bit of fun."

From the mouth and mind of the artist. I find it funny - as here's what some others are saying:

"In my mind it's a metaphor for the difficulty in trying to hold on to your youth, and the fact that you have to let go of those things that you had when you were a child. A coming of age song, in some ways I think. This makes the bridge somewhat poignant for me, as it implies the protagonist wants to physically break all ties with her youth, but can't bring herself to do so. In summary, I think the skeleton represents childhood, and the song is about having to grow up and break away from that."

"i reckon its about her friend who is very empty inside and stuff...the skeleton stuff is metaphorical"

"I think it could go two ways:
It's either about a literal skeleton toy thing (which is a bit odd but doesn't sound out of the ordinary for Kate Nash lol) which belongs to her or a friend
or
It's about anorexia and she's questioning the purpose of it. It's giving her unwanted attention and such.
I don't know, I'm going to a gig of hers soon so i hope she'll mention it."

"I was sat on thus bus last night, and I've always wandered what this was aobut. But then I figured, imaginary friend.
Not everything is always so deep!"

"OMG people OPEN your minds!!!
I was reading through hoping for someone to finally get it, but they don't! Ever heard of the term "skeletons in the closet"???
It's about things she's done in the past, her "dirty" or "shameful" secrets and she has nightmares about it,and she wishes she could "KILL" the past, but she could never do it,because it's also something that has lived with her forever."

HILARIOUS.

A Live/Recorded Performance

A Super Fun Performance

"Who's Next?" Interview - Thanks Yahoo.

On Influences: (From THIS interview)

"It was more like concerts when I was really young—like Irish music, cos my mum’s Irish, and classical music. Then, when I was 14, all my friends went to see metal bands at Wembley Rugby Club, in Harrow: and then all the rude boys would come down and stab everyone and smash windows, and we’d all have to run home because the police would come down—and everyone would be home by 10 o’clock, la la la. Then my friends started going to Putney and Camden, gigs there…”

"I started to go to gigs like The Strokes and Regina Spektor and loads of people, then I got into the amateur scene with people like Peggy Sue And The Pirates [her support band], blah blah blah…”

"I loved Regina Spektor and Janis Joplin because she was crazy, and Eva Cassidy, I loved her…Destiny’s Child…”

Tap Dancing on Sheet Metal

2008-06-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

So - in class today, we talked quite a bit about the idea of Hot and Cold media - oh that McLuhan...

I found it an interesting idea, though - how our interaction with the art determines how McLuhan defines it. The amount of data presented and inferred/assumed/pieced-together makes it one or the other. Abstract art asks the viewer to interpret the inside that is shown in order to come close to an understanding of the outside - or an even deeper "inside." Radio is hot - one sense, all the data needed. I had some questions though: video games - are they hot or cold? I'd assume cold, as the user is required to use sight and sound - as well as some form of "touch" to manipulate the game. As a hard of hearing individual (I'm still working on claiming the capital D - Deaf identity), I wonder if for me - radio, or music is actually a cold media. I have a lot of interpreting or translating to do in my mind, as my hair cells don't really pick all that information up. I'm often trying to piece together what people say on the radio - or the lyrics sung to any song. What about an individual that is (lowercase d - medically) deaf? Is TV then a hot medium as they can only see the information? Yet they still need to piece the story-line together...

Whenever we create a definition, an either or, a box to check, or binary - there is ALWAYS something/some instance that doesn't quite fit. In creating definitions we create grey area. And now for a rocky transition (and a bunch of videos)! Click on through!

So, I did my formal analysis on the song "Reckless" by Till & The Wall. I saw them perform back in 2004 with Rilo Kiley (and while I appreciate some indie bands, I do NOT think I'm any better for knowing names of obscure music groups...I just like female vocals) and I was basically blown away. No drum set of any sorts - just a keyboard, a guitar, two lovely ladies singing their hearts out and another lovely lady TAP DANCING ON SHEET METAL?!? Yes. They stomp and clap and tap-dance on sheet metal for their rhythm section. Amazing.

Being There

2008-06-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

This is class related.

I think I might talk about both clips. First up: The final moment of the film.

(I love Youtube). Anywho - when I first saw this in class - I couldn't help but think, "Wait...what...?" At first I didn't understand why the director would make the choice to present such a blatant Christ myth in the character of Chance. I began to roll my eyes - thinking it a cop-out. But when reflecting upon the film and the character of Chance, it really is a beautiful moment. Chance is an innocent in a world of greedy, corrupt lawyers and politicians. Yet by his presence, he is infusing individuals with a new appreciation for life and love. He's cultivating beauty in this unattended garden. The simple, innocent mentality could be scene as dumb, or a disability - but the final scene negates any idea of Chance being "dumb" by infusing the character with mythical, Christ-like powers. The impact of this scene should leave the audience with a sense of wonder (and confusion)...but the credits kind of undermine the final statement of the film...

Ouch. While HILARIOUS, this interrupts the tone the final scene is setting and the statement of the innocent savior is lost to the comedy in the out-takes. It's no wonder that there was such a dispute about including these takes right after such a poignant clip. If I was the director/writer, I too would be up in arms about the inclusion of comedy right after the realization of beauty. They don't line up. An easy solution? Have the out-takes run AFTER the credits finish. I think it was a big mistake to place these two separate ideas right after the other. The voice of the writer/director is completely overpowered, and the audience does not leave thinking about the meaning - instead they leave chuckling. "What a cute film." I don't feel it was meant to be that way.

Wii FAIL!

2008-05-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

This really isn't class related...

So, I've been running around the city today - waiting for stores to open, waiting in lines, asking around, trying to find a copy of Wii Fit. I couldn't get it. Nintendoworld (the happiest place on earth) sold out while I was in line (in a half hour) I know, silly, but hey - I want it. Why? Because somewhere in my mind I feel that buying an 80 dollar video-game will lead me to the path of healthy living. I might lose a few pounds, feel a little more confident about myself, maybe have some motivation to keep a "Wii Work Out" regimen. But really, I want it because it looks fun! Yay consumerism! Looks like I'll be waking up early to wait a couple hours in line again tomorrow. Fun times.

To cheer me up a bit, because Parker Posey never fails to make my heart happy, I'll post a video. If you haven't seen "Waiting for Guffman," I suggest you rent/buy/borrow/illegally download it NOW. This is a deleted scene...and the greatest monologue EVER. Enjoy!

One True Authentic Swing

2008-05-29T07:02:00.000-07:00

So - in listening to the soundscape, here's a play by play of what I was hearing:

From the start to about 0:32:
Hooting, rustling of clothes, feet on grass, crickets chirping, older man's voice, young boy's voice, old narrative voice. (Story telling time).

From 0:32-1:02:
More voice, tick of the golf-ball being hit with club, chirping of birds/crickets - low noise on cue with the "grass growing" line. The noise is almost the voice of nature in a sense - a low whisper that soon becomes a moan (not a human moan - but a moan of the earth and air).

The air-moan becomes more mystical at 1:25 and a higher pitch like that of frogs croaking seems to come in.

At 1:42 the music begins to trickle into the breath of nature - creating a magical quality. Here we start to see how epic this moment is through the tones filtered into the soundscape. The music continues through the voices and the noises of the night, and the voice of Will Smith becomes that of a wise old man. The music swells at 2:46 and at 2:55 it sounds like a double layering of voices over Smith's voice - the wise old man becomes a sage/shaman/wizard almost. The encouragement/mystical quality ends at 3:25 when the boy makes that One True Authentic Swing and sinks the ball. It all seems to blow away with the night air. And the two head back home.

Orson Welles and Baz Luhrmann Walk into a Bar...

2008-05-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

I find it interesting how we as artists become all too focused on "honing our craft." We forget how exciting the sound of clouds can be. There are many visionaries in each of our respective fields, but what seems to inspire the innovation that seems to pour from their minds? An all black Macbeth, a highly stylized ballroom version of Romeo and Juliet - these artistic visions succeed whereas some other...less informed choices fail. Why do these heightened productions work, but something like the Japanese Kabuki version of Angels in America leaves the viewer with a stale after-taste?

The text matters, being truthful to that while maintaining a level of excitement, respecting a playwright's vision - not wearing blinders that scholars so often wear when dealing with form and syntax, or placing a veil of style on-top of a piece but instead working within the piece to explore these innovative ideas. These works become exciting for everyone involved - the viewer and those performing. That pure excitement and sense of wonder, the "Ah" moments give these pieces power and a sense of magic. Leaving pretense behind, and going just far enough to blow the socks off the traditions held by the play - this is what a great director does. Informed, artistic choices yield powerful, lasting performances.

Baz Luhrmann's vision:

Orson Welles' vision:

It Begins

2008-05-21T10:20:00.000-07:00

Alright. Here we go.

I have a hard time with blogs. I do enjoy them, but usually blogs and I have moments in time when we're madly, madly in love - usually when I'm madly, madly in love...or when I'm just...mad. I had a live journal and a xanga (both back in high school, xanga was junior high...very angsty) and while it's fun to relive memories - I have a hard time keeping up with any blog.

This should be different - I'll be able to reflect in an informal fashion or just post things I find interesting/quirky/fun (the quirky fun part may come after this course has finished, as I plan on keeping this blog for a while).

Some ideas that we've touched upon in class keep swimming around in my brain - and I figure I might as well get them out. The notion of the internet as the great equalizer - the constant bridging of ideas and information, is very truthful. But along with the neutralization of distance and time as factors in information sharing and communicating, we have fractured ourselves into many identities. There are web-communities for any and all walks of life. Any identity/hobby/activity/fetish you can think of - I'm sure there's a message board somewhere exploring that. Does this create a rift in our "connectedness?" I would say no, but there are many who would actively disengage or discriminate if they knew all the identities the internet has enabled us to take on. It's about sharing information, sharing opinion, and sharing a way of life - and that is what makes the internet so exciting!

Speaking of sharing (smooth, I know) I figured I'd end now before I ramble on too much (too late) - but before I go, here's some Leslie Feist to wrap your brain around (I wanted to post more than one video - but I don't know how to create a "behind the cut" link so it wouldn't crowd the page). Anywho - I'm already thinking ahead about what work I want to focus on for my first analysis - this is option one (p.s. I've always wanted to dance on a moving sidewalk):